Do You Celebrate Thanksgiving?

'Tis the season when I am frequently asked if I celebrate Thanksgiving, and upon answering "no", I briefly explain why not.  There are several reasons.

I prefer to be thankful every day and as frequently during each day as I can manage, not parse it out to a single day in a year.  I've never understood Western society's preference for parsing things into small bits or thinking about very important topics only on certain days.  Let's all practice love and Christian religion on Sundays and Christmas (the whole concept of God being born has tended to mystify me anyway); thankfulness for family, friends and blessings on Thanksgiving; being alive on one's birthday....  

One of the difficulties Europeans had understanding our traditional Lakota lifeways was that our spirituality infuses every act and thought we have each and every day.  There is no separation.  That is the way I try to live.  

Let's see, what else.  The Eastern Indigenous nations practiced fall harvest for centuries before the Europeans arrived on Turtle Island.  How about celebrating the fall harvest instead?  I could really support giving thanks for Grandmother once again providing for her children.  However, we are mostly children of the city and supermarkets.  Most of us have no clue or care about fall harvest or when it occurs.

Oh, and besides, the TRUE origin of Thanksgiving is a celebration of a massacre.  

In 1636, "Pilgrims" found a dead man in a boat, assumed he was murdered by the local Pequot, and in retaliation, they burned Pequot villages.  John Mason, an English Major, extended the attacks by burning as many Pequot wigwams as he could and killed hundreds of men, women, and children.  He and his forces then attacked an entire fortified village at Mystic River and set it on fire.  The Pequots within (men, women, and children) were asleep.  According to Mason's own words, he and his forces "utterly destroyed" 600-700 Pequot (Mason, 1736).  Mason is quoted as saying, 

"'We must burn them!' Mason is reported as having shouted, running around with a firebrand and lighting the wigwams. 'Such a dreadful terror let the Almighty fall upon their spirits that they would flee from us and run into the very flames. Thus did the Lord judge the heathen, filling the place with dead bodies, ' he reported afterward: "The surviving Pequots were hunted but could make little haste because of their children, Mason wrote, They were literally-run to ground...tramped into the mud and buried in the swamp. ' The last of them were shipped to the West Indies as slaves...John Winthrop.. .governor once more, ...[offered] ...forty pounds sterling for the scalp of an Indian man, twenty for the scalps of women and children. The name 'Pequot' was officially erased from the map. The Pequot River became the Thames and their town became New London." (p. 53, Heckewelder, 1876)

Underhill described the scene at Mystic River as follows:  "...the fort blazed most terribly, and burnt all in the space of half an hour."  The stench of frying flesh, the flames, and the heat drove the English outside the walls.  Many Pequots "were burnt in the fort, both men, women, and children.  Others [who were] forced out...our soldiers received adn entertained with the point of the sword.  Down fell men, women, and children." (p. 42, Drinnon, 1997).

In response to this event, William Bradford, Governor of Plymouth, wrote the following.

Those that escaped the fire were slain with the sword; some hewed to pieces, others run through with their rapiers, so that they were quickly dispatched and very few escaped. It was conceived they thus destroyed about 400 at this time. It was a fearful sight to see them thus frying in the fire...horrible was the stink and scent thereof, but the victory seemed a sweet sacrifice, and they gave the prayers thereof to God, who had wrought so wonderfully for them.  (Philbrick, 2007)

It was proclaimed the day after that "from that day forth shall be a day of celebration and thanks giving for subduing the Pequots".  There is some debate about whether that proclamation was made by William Bradford or John Winthrop, but according to the Massachusetts Records of 1676-1677, a day was set apart for public thanksgiving, because, among other things of moment, “there now scarce remains a name or family of them (the Indians) but are either slain, captivated or fled.”  Thus, Thanksgiving finds its source in a celebration of the massacre of the Pequot people.

That is why I don't celebrate Thanksgiving.

-------------

Drinnon, Richard, 1997, Facing West: The Metaphysics of Indian-hating and Empire-building:  University of Oklahoma Press, 572 p. <http://bit.ly/2fXociz>

Heckewelder, John, 1876, History Manners and Customs of the Indian Nations:  Philadelphia, PA, Historical Society of Pennsylvania, 476 p. <https://archive.org/details/histmannerscust00heckrich>

Mason, John, 1736, A Brief History of the Pequot War, in Mason, John and Royster, Paul , editor, "A Brief History of the Pequot War (1736)" (1736). Electronic Texts in American Studies. Paper 42, 33 p. <http://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1042&context=etas>

Philbrick, Nathaniel (ed), 2007, The Mayflower Papers: Selected Writings of Colonial New England: Penguin, 336 p.

Celebrate Native American Heritage Month...if you can find it

Celebrate Native American Heritage Month with a good read from Google Play here.  They have provided this selection featured on their Books page, though it is at the very bottom of the page, and it is titled, "Celebrate with Great Reads".  The fine print below that title is "Native American Heritage Month."

Google posted an Indigenous-related doodle on 18 November, which would've been Native author James Welch, Blackfeet/Gros Ventre, 76th birthday.   

There are two YouTube Spotlight channels, both of which are prominent if one knows to click on the Spotlight page.  Beats, Rhymes, and Indigenous Life features 17 music videos from Indigenous hip-hop artists of America.  Dancing, Drums, and Powwow Days features 10 videos of "Traditions from Native American and First Nations social gatherings".    

Google Cultural Institute has posted a website that "explores the lives and work of 6 Native American artists".  Additionally, Google has launched new Google Expeditions of Indian Country, covering topics ranging from Southwest tribes to powwows to the Battle of the Little Bighorn.

But, is this really enough to honor and recognize the lives, beauty, and inherent value of the Indigenous Peoples of Turtle Island?  In the midst of a raging blizzard on the Northern Plains, my relatives on Standing Rock and a multitude of supporters fight on the front line of ongoing desecration and broken treaties.  #StandingRock #NoDAPL #RezpectOurWater  Even though media coverage is good by overseas media and by numerous independent media outlets, Twitter feeds, Facebook pages, and U.N. Observers, the U.S. media is not covering it at the level or truth it deserves.  

This feels like token recognition when Google and other large web providers and engines could do so very much more. Don't misunderstand me - I appreciate what little we get, but....

A clear example of why we can't forget and move on - it is NOT in the past.

UN Investigates Scandalous Treatment of Demonstrators 

Read the full story here.

I stand with my relatives at #StandingRock.   #NoDAPL!

The photo leading this story (shown above) is sickening. An elderly woman trying to hold onto her prayer stick is surrounded 5 militarized police. A prayer stick is a sacred item for us, something that we lovingly care for and use strictly for prayer. This is like someone trying to hold a Christian cross or a Bible or the Koran or Torah and having a police officer try to take it away from them while they are praying with it.

How could an elderly woman holding her prayer stick who is clearly much smaller in size than the officers pose a credible threat or one to even be taken half-seriously?   The look on all the officers' faces is one of anger and violence. One officer is clearly getting ready to punch her in the gut with his riot stick. Another one has hands wrapped around her sacred prayer stick trying to take it away from her. A third one has his hand grabbing her nearest shoulder and neck. The fourth one has grabbed her backpack and has his hand around her middle clearly pulling her away from her prayer stick.

This would be bad enough if it were an isolated event, but it is not.  Watch the video here, filmed by an independent activist news outlet, Unicorn Riot.  The Oceti Sakowin camp in on treaty grounds.  The Sioux Nation has declared eminent domain under the 1851 Treaty for the grounds on which the new Sacred Stone camp is placed.  Our sacred sites have been blatantly desecrated by Energy Transfer Partners. Reporting by the dominant news media only perpetrates the stories that the government  and wants told.  What is NOT being reported is that the pipeline is here ONLY because the residents in Bismark did not want it in their backyard. because of the potential environmental disaster it represents and the company's well-documented and repeated poor construction practices and environmental record.   Energy companies across Turtle Island continue to target Indigenous peoples and treaty lands as easy marks that keep bad projects out of the backyards of the citizens they value more greatly than us.

Mark Trahant noted in his article on 28 Oct. 2016: Last January when a gang of gun-toting, Constitution mis-quoting, anti-government militia occupied the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge the reaction from federal law enforcement was patience. Days went by. Oregon Gov. Kate Brown (sounding very North Dakota-like) urged the federal government to crack down on “the radicals” before more arrived.  The lands involved were Paiute lands. Months ago, Jarvis Kennedy, a Burns Paiute Tribal Council member, asked: “What if it was a bunch of Natives who went in there and took it?”  We now know. And back in Oregon a jury of peers found the Bundy gang not guilty.  Stories to tell. Injustice.

Our only crime here is to exercise our rights to protect ourselves, protect our families and children, protect our Earth, and use free speech and non-violent protest to do so.  Nation-to-nation treaties between us and the U.S. have been systematically broken in a flagrant manner time and time again when it is convenient for the government to do so. These crimes being perpetrated against us now in our fight against DAPL sound remarkably like where the U.S. likes to point its fingers at countries overseas. It is easier to do that than to look at what is being perpetrated right here at home. Horrible civil rights violations and senseless violence continue here in this country and both are an integrated part of this country's history and founding. The genocide of my people and all Indigenous peoples of Turtle Island is a fact rarely acknowledged. However, it inspired Hitler's policy of genocide against the Jewish people, another fact of history not spoken of in textbooks or "polite company".

We are told to forget the past and move on, that the crimes of the past generations are not those of the current generation. However, as the situation that my relatives are facing today on Standing Rock and across the country illustrate, it is not past. It is going on daily - now, today, in a country recognized to be the world leader.  How can one forget what one is constantly suffering?

We pray that the involvement of the United Nations will bring the full and true story to the world and that the good-hearted, justice-minded citizens of the U.S. and the world will listen.

Our priorities? b32773198cc4ed4a0a19008febb84c0f.jpg (1000×1000) http://bit.ly/2ekjrmm

Our priorities? b32773198cc4ed4a0a19008febb84c0f.jpg (1000×1000) http://bit.ly/2ekjrmm

— Cory (@karstgeologist) October 20, 2016

from Twitter https://twitter.com/karstgeologist

October 20, 2016 at 10:37AM
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Our Creation Stories Say We Were Made Here

We didn't walk, take a boat, migrate, or any other terms you want to use.  This fact has been terribly inconvenient for anthropologists and others who simply want us to also be invaders to this land we call Turtle Island, albeit earlier in our encroachment.  Oral history has always been looked down upon as inaccurate and fraught with error, ignoring the fact that our ability to relay oral information accurately on what is safe to eat, where to find it, how to live well, and how to be good members of the Circle of Life seem to be accepted as fact.  Enough so that modern medicine is finding many of our "primitive" approaches to health are actually the sources of "new" medical treatments.

It appears that "science" is catching up to our knowledge, or at least is being confronted to facts and data that force a re-evaluation.

In work funded by the National Park Service, the National Geographic Society, the University of South Carolina, the Archaeological Research Trust (SCIAA), the Allendale Research Fund, the Elizabeth Stringfellow Endowment Fund, Sandoz Chemical Corp. and Clariant Corp., Dr. Albert Goodyear of the University of South Carolina published evidence that humans were in North America 50,000 years ago.

Now, an article in Nature online by Pedersen et al. (2016) concludes with the following statement:  "Our findings reveal that the first Americans, whether Clovis or earlier groups in unglaciated North America before 12.6 cal. kyr BP, are unlikely to have travelled by [the Bering Strait] into the Americas. However, later groups may have used this north–south passageway.  The Bering Strait could not have supported humans 13,000 years ago.

______________

Pedersen, M.W., et al., 2016, Postglacial viability and colonization in North America’s ice-free corridor:  Nature, 10 August 2016, doi:10.1038/nature19085. <http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/nature19085.html>

University Of South Carolina. "New Evidence Puts Man In North America 50,000 Years Ago." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 18 November 2004. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2004/11/041118104010.htm>.

Our Creation Stories Say We Were Made Here

We didn't walk, take a boat, migrate, or any other terms you want to use.  This fact has been terribly inconvenient for anthropologists and others who simply want us to also be invaders to this land we call Turtle Island, albeit earlier in our encroachment.  Oral history has always been looked down upon as inaccurate and fraught with error, ignoring the fact that our ability to relay oral information accurately on what is safe to eat, where to find it, how to live well, and how to be good members of the Circle of Life seem to be accepted as fact.  Enough so that modern medicine is finding many of our "primitive" approaches to health are actually the sources of "new" medical treatments.

It appears that "science" is catching up to our knowledge, or at least is being confronted to facts and data that force a re-evaluation.

In work funded by the National Park Service, the National Geographic Society, the University of South Carolina, the Archaeological Research Trust (SCIAA), the Allendale Research Fund, the Elizabeth Stringfellow Endowment Fund, Sandoz Chemical Corp. and Clariant Corp., Dr. Albert Goodyear of the University of South Carolina published evidence that humans were in North America 50,000 years ago.

Now, an article in Nature online by Pedersen et al. (2016) concludes with the following statement:  "Our findings reveal that the first Americans, whether Clovis or earlier groups in unglaciated North America before 12.6 cal. kyr BP, are unlikely to have travelled by [the Bering Strait] into the Americas. However, later groups may have used this north–south passageway.  The Bering Strait could not have supported humans 13,000 years ago.

______________

Pedersen, M.W., et al., 2016, Postglacial viability and colonization in North America’s ice-free corridor:  Nature, 10 August 2016, doi:10.1038/nature19085. <http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/nature19085.html>

University Of South Carolina. "New Evidence Puts Man In North America 50,000 Years Ago." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 18 November 2004. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2004/11/041118104010.htm>.

Reclaiming the Black Hills, One Name at a Time

No longer named after a murderer!  On September 2 and 3, 1855, Brigadier General William S. Harney and  600 soldiers attacked 250 Sioux, killing 86 Brulé women and children as well as warriors.

And just this quickly, a web search of its former name produces top results with its new name.  It is gratifying to see just how fast corrections can occur.  I applaud the U.S. Board of Geographic Names for its recognition of how correct and overdue this re-naming is.  Pity the Washington football team, Chief Wahoo, and the other pro-sports team names can't follow this example.

#NoIJustWon'tMoveOn

   

Hitler Studied U.S. Treatment of Indians

Elicia Goodsoldier

8/8/16

Indian Country Today Media Network

http://bit.ly/2b8aQjp

On June 7, the United States House of Representatives passed H. R. 129, a bipartisan piece of legislation, sponsored by Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-FL), urging Germany to reaffirm its financial commitment to address the health and welfare needs of Holocaust survivors. This legislation passed unanimously with a vote of 363-0.  

According to the bill’s summary, this legislation was needed to ensure “that all Holocaust victims live with dignity, comfort, and security in their remaining years.” It calls on Germany “to reaffirm its commitment to this goal through a financial commitment to comprehensively address the unique health and welfare needs of vulnerable Holocaust victims, including home care and other medically prescribed needs.”

The irony that lies in this situation is the fact that Adolf Hitler studied many of the United States’ policies implemented against American Indian people, as models for how he would deal with Jewish people....

I believe it is time the United States begins to recognize its own true history, rather than the popular myth of manifest destiny, and “do the right thing by fulfilling its commitments and obligations to all survivors” and descendants of the United States Holocaust....

The full article is brimming with information on the First Nations Holocaust in the United States.  It is a good read, but it is one that simultaneously makes me both grief-stricken and full of anger.

Whenever someone tells me to "let it go", "it is in the past", and "move on", I get angry and then take a deep breath to give myself a moment to calm down, to recognize their ignorance, to remember peace. Often, in response, I will ask them if the Jewish people have done what I as a Lakota am being advised to do - get over the Holocaust and just move on.  Usually, if I get more than a stunned silence and stare in response, I get a vehement denial of "that is NOTHING like what happened here".   Unless I am speaking with a citizen of another Indigenous nation, people just don't see (want to believe) the analogy.  It is easier to point fingers at some other person, some other country, than it is to point them at oneself or one's country.  Maybe that is the reason so many different First Nations people don't actually point at all.....   (You've really got to watch us closely - we "point" at something with our lips or our chins.)   

For the U.S. to begin to recognize its own true history, the U.S. needs to first own up to, accept, and fully TEACH its own history to all of its citizens.

Like the Jewish nation, we of the Indigenous Nations, will not and cannot "get over it" and "move on".

‘No I Won't Just Move On’ Hashtag: Why I Made It, We Need It:  Vincent Schilling, 5/11/16.  

Trauma May Be Woven Into DNA of Native Americans:  Mary Annette Pember, 5/28/15.  

Sinkholes: The Groundbreaking Truth  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLUgEXI9RYI

A fellow geologist sent me this video, and I was torn between laughing and shaking my head in dismay.

Many of the sinkholes in the video are from before 2010, which the video indicates is sort of a magic breaking point:  "Before 2010, sinkholes were a relatively uncommon event", citing a graph from Sott.net for evidence.  Sott.net says it is "The World for People Who Think", and when one looks at "About" on their website, it describes itself this way.

SOTT.net is a leading news site with a view towards revealing the global trends that the mainstream media won't touch.  Launched on March 26, 2002, SOTT.net is a research project of the non-profit Quantum Future Group (QFG). The project includes collecting, arranging, and analyzing news items that seem to best reflect the dominant 'energies' on the planet. This research further includes noting whether or not human beings, individually and/or collectively, can actually remember from one day to the next the state of the planet, and whether they are able to accurately read that information and make intelligent decisions about their future based on that knowledge. In short, SOTT.net is an experiment.

Sott.net appears to be a wiki-type site, because "SOTT is comprised of an international body of 155 volunteer editors".  Clicking on the link to the list of 155 volunteer editors, one is greeted by a page of thumbnails with no identification of which author is responsible for what discipline.  Some thumbnail images are actual photos; some are various images and icons, including what looks like a Norse warrior, a skull and crossed bones, Dumbledore (v. 2), and so forth.  The assortment didn't  exactly evoke a sense of scientific expertise.   I didn't bother clicking on each thumbnail

Apparently, the mechanism behind sinkhole formation is "plasma cosmology".  It was founded in 1896.  The various web sources provide additional fodder for scepticism.

In contrast to the preceeding, the following are the facts.  Sinkholes or dolines are a common occurrence throughout the world, both as natural features of karst terrane and other geomorphic forces and as induced features generated by various human activities and infrastructure.  The Multidisciplinary Conference on Sinkholes and the Engineering and Environmental Impacts of Karst, colloquially known as the Sinkhole Conference, has been held on a regular basis since 1984.  The literature on the natural processes within karst terrane (including sinkholes) dates back to the mid 1880s. Induced sinkhole formation and hazards were first discussed by Foose (1953).

There is no indication on the YouTube site of who is responsible for the content of this video.  For more information, the reader is directed to the book, Earth Changes and the Human Cosmic Connection: The Secret History of the World - Book 3.  Amazon.com says this about the author of the book:  Pierre Lescaudron (M.Sc., MBA) was born in Toulouse, France, in 1972. He pursued a career in executive management, consulting and post-graduate teaching in high-tech fields. He then became a writer for Sott.net, fulfilling his dream of researching science, technology and history. He particularly enjoys 'connecting the dots' and bringing together usually separated scientific fields.  And there is the connection to Sott.net...

If Mr. Lescaudron is responsible for the contents of the video, he clearly did not do his research well and in a scientifically accurate manner.  For me, that is a comment on the lack of concern for strong geoscience education for every world citizen.  In fact, it is an indictment of education in general.

I think this is THE advertising piece for a campaign on "Why Geoscience Education"?

The diversity of life across much of Earth has plunged below 'safe' levels http://bit.ly/2a5Q5HW

The diversity of life across much of Earth has plunged below 'safe' levels http://bit.ly/2a5Q5HW

— Cory (@karstgeologist) July 18, 2016

from Twitter https://twitter.com/karstgeologist

July 18, 2016 at 05:21PM
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Natural #caves exist throughout Hungary. A cave system in Tapolca has an especially memorable method of exploration. http://bit.ly/29OC6Aj

Natural #caves exist throughout Hungary. A cave system in Tapolca has an especially memorable method of exploration. http://bit.ly/29OC6Aj

— Cory (@karstgeologist) July 18, 2016

from Twitter https://twitter.com/karstgeologist

July 18, 2016 at 10:29AM
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The quantum origin of time. http://bit.ly/29sYAb7

The quantum origin of time. http://bit.ly/29sYAb7

— Cory (@karstgeologist) July 11, 2016

from Twitter https://twitter.com/karstgeologist

July 11, 2016 at 01:22PM
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BBC News - Why do US police keep killing unarmed black men? http://bit.ly/29JYflO

BBC News - Why do US police keep killing unarmed black men? http://bit.ly/29JYflO

— Cory (@karstgeologist) July 11, 2016

from Twitter https://twitter.com/karstgeologist

July 11, 2016 at 12:39PM
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I've just posted a new blog: New XKCD comic: Pokémon Go http://bit.ly/29rU6kx http://bit.ly/29GbRjE

I've just posted a new blog: New XKCD comic: Pokémon Go http://bit.ly/29rU6kx http://bit.ly/29GbRjE

— Cory (@karstgeologist) July 11, 2016

from Twitter https://twitter.com/karstgeologist

July 11, 2016 at 01:04AM
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New XKCD comic: Pokémon Go http://bit.ly/29G6ssU

New XKCD comic: Pokémon Go http://bit.ly/29G6ssU

— Cory (@karstgeologist) July 11, 2016

from Twitter https://twitter.com/karstgeologist

July 11, 2016 at 12:08AM
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Congrats, Dr. Penny Boston!!! #NASA Selects New Director for #Astrobiology Institute - Astrobiology Magazine http://bit.ly/1Wj5ghg

Congrats, Dr. Penny Boston!!! #NASA Selects New Director for #Astrobiology Institute - Astrobiology Magazine http://bit.ly/1Wj5ghg

— Cory (@karstgeologist) May 25, 2016

from Twitter https://twitter.com/karstgeologist

May 25, 2016 at 12:49PM
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Nursery rhyme revisted

From XKCD http://xkcd.com/1662/ 

So, when does water flow uphill?  Anytime the potentiometric surface causes it to do so!

Want to learn more about groundwater?  Check out the USGS Water Science School.  Can water flow uphill?  Check out the Artesian water section there.

The Nature of GIS

This is a thought-provoking question. According to ESRI, GIS is an integration of "...hardware, software, and data for capturing, managing, analyzing, and displaying all forms of geographically referenced information (http://www.esri.com/what-is-gis/overview#overview_panel)." This is a standard definition used widely. The term, "science", however, is used in a variety of ways. At its most basic, "science" derives from the Latin "scientia" for "knowledge". From there, its usage diverges into 2 main directions. For some, science is a particular body of knowledge. For others, myself included, science is a way of thinking and a method of inquiry that involves making observations about the natural world, asking questions based on those observations, forming a hypothesis to try to explain what is being observed, gathering additional data, testing the hypothesis, and sharing the results. Therefore, I consider GIS an immensely useful tool for scientific inquiry, but not a science in and of itself.  Cory Blackeagle 12/23/2012

People who fully appreciate how data is collected, used, and distributed discover the most effective ways to analyze the data to create information. The experience we gain through data collection, digitization, conversion, etc. is how we gain confidence to ask the right questions when presenting information via map applications. We all realize that just because you can mash apps together does not immediately create value. The data may not have the scale, temporal, or integrity expected. Those who can make the best interpretation add value while those who cannot will not last long.  Chris Blough, Oct. 2012, http://www.directionsmag.com/podcasts/is-gis-education-bait-and-switch/289488?goback=%2Egmp_49657

The Gift of Gab

I never thought I took much for granted until my TBI took away my ability to speak clearly and fluently. Now that I can't do either, I find myself watching and listening to others chat away and realizing how very much I took for granted my ability to carry on a conversation. I also never realized how central that ability is to living creatures. No matter the language or style, EVERYONE talks to others. Every creature that is social depends on it. I can't now. Me talking is very hard, very tiring, and very hard for others to understand. I miss it. One speech therapist told me it is neurological and nothing can be done. I stopped seeing her. Another speech therapist agreed with me when she said, "We won't know until we try, eh?" Thankfully, she is the speech therapist I saw after the TBI in 2000 but before the accidents in August and September 2014. She and I work very well together, she is patient, she is very good at what she does, she pushes me, and she is a fighter. I need fellow fighters working with me. I won't give up until and unless I know I need to.

If I am Pooh, Christopher Robin is my Brain

Story and sketches by Cory. "Oh bother!" muttered Pooh. "What's the matter, Pooh?" squeaked Piglet. "I've lost something very important, and I don't know how to get it back!" Pooh sighed. Piglet nodded seriously. "Yes, I can see that would be a bother. What is this very important something, Pooh, and where did you lose it?" Piglet pondered. "See, that's the tricky part, Piglet. It's not WHERE I lost it. It's WHEN. See, losing something in when is far more difficult than losing something in where." "Oh, I see," Piglet tried to say very thoughtfully, though he really didn't see at all. Pooh sighed a very long, sad sigh. "That's the problem with being a Bear of Very Little Brains, Piglet. I know I've lost it, but I don't know how to find it again."

Suddenly, Piglet bounced up in the air and squeaked, startling himself as much as Pooh. Maybe more. He squeaked again, but this time it sounded more like "Pooh!" than a squeak. "Pooh!" he tried again, and this time it sounded exactly like "Pooh!" and not at all like a squeak. "Yes, Piglet?" asked Pooh. "Ask Christopher Robin! He's ever so good at finding things." Piglet sort of squeaked.

Pooh looked even sadder. "Yes, that's true, Piglet, he is, but you see, that's the real problem - the tip-top of the problem, the foundation upon which the entire problem rests." Pooh sighed. Piglet felt very proud to have found the tip-top and the foundation all at the very same time. "Good!" he squeaked. "No," Pooh sighed again, "not good at all. You see, it is Christopher Robin I've lost." "Pooh?" Piglet began carefully. "Yes, Piglet?" Pooh asked. "Perhaps if we start walking towards WHERE you saw Christopher Robin last, you'll run into When you were last with him and then you'll have found him!" Piglet said in a rush before his thought ran away. Pooh thought this over and then brightened. "Yes, Piglet! I believe that is EXACTLY what we should do! Thank you, Piglet!" And off they went, in search of Christopher Robin, who was lost not so much some where as he was some when.  (7 May 2015)

"Within Normal Limits" = Invisible

But that is how the medical community treated me... Invisible.  The evening of 5/21/200, I was kicked behind the right ear while teaching martial arts, and in that instant (which I don't remember), I suffered a closed head injury (a traumatic brain injury or TBI) and my life changed forever.  The only thing I remember after that and for the 4 months following was being awakened that night by pain - pain like someone was driving a metal stake into my brain.  I remembering stumbling to the bathroom, taking some ibuprofen, and stumbling back to bed.  I lived alone with my 3 dogs and I could not think.  My notes tell me I saw medical doctors and was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome.  Since it was a work comp claim, my employer assumed I must be malingering and sent me to a neuropsychologist, who did an evaluation and declared that all was within normal limits and I was, therefore, fine.  The work comp claim was terminated, and eventually, the doctors caring for me felt it had been long enough, I should be fully recovered, and that was the end of it.  Whatever was still going on was "all in your head" (i.e., psychological).  I was left to deal with everything I was experiencing on my own, but I was definitely not normal, at least not for me and probably not for anyone else.  I have come to hate the phrase, "within normal limits".   

Years went by and I kept asking medical providers about everything I was experiencing:  headaches, balance problems, vertigo, decreased coordination, vision problems.  As always, I was "within normal limits".  I had trouble at work - lots of trouble.  Supervisors told me that I did not follow directions, didn't do what I was told, was difficult, "high-maintenance", hard to get along with, didn't focus, or stay on task.  I was confused - I knew I was doing what I heard I was told.  So, I started using active listening skills - repeating, rephrasing, asking clarifying questions.  Then supervisors told me I was argumentative and questioning their authority.  All of this was completely at odds with who I had always known myself to be:  focused, highly intelligent, competent, mentally quick, physically gifted.  I did not know what to do with this incredible conflict between who I knew myself to be and who everyone else told me I was.  I did the only thing I knew to do - I took it all to heart - they must be correct.  I was a bad employee and person.  

The TBI didn't turn me in to the sad, tentative, isolated person with no self-confidence and no self-esteem that I became.  I lay that blame not on the people around me but on the medical professionals who wouldn't listen to me and said I was "within normal limits".

It took 11 years until my chance encounter with an article reporting on post-concussion-syndrome research at the local medical school, an email to the researcher so extensively quoted in that article, and a family doctor with an open mind that would finally lead to a diagnosis and treatment.  Things were getting better for me.  I still remember the exact words a the researcher's colleague said after he did a quick post-concussion evaluation.  

"I've got the results of the testing and it IS all in your head.....but it is physical damage, not psychological issues.  You suffered a TBI and suffer from its effects.  We can't heal it, but we can help you function better with accommodations."  

Amazing what turning an unknown into a known can do.   With treatment and both the accommodations I was learning for myself and the official accommodations I now had at work, I was making progress.  I wasn't the smooth-running, well-oiled, high-performance, athletic and intellectual human machine I had been before the TBI, but I was doing much, much better and I was once again experiencing successes personally and professionally.  I met an amazing woman who loved me as I was, and we joined our lives together.  I was making progress with my doctoral research.  I had gained a measure of peace with what I had to give up (my beloved martial arts for one).  I was beginning to accept who I was now after the TBI.  I was learning to be happy  again, and I was slowly gaining a bit of confidence.  And then.....

Two accidents in quick succession and 2 more concussions.  A heavy object fell on me, landing on the left side of my head the evening of August 28, 2014, and then I must've lost my balance and and I fell down the stairs on September 25, 2014, striking the right side of the top of my head and injuring my right shoulder when I landed (I have no memory of this second event - only what my wife tells me she saw happen).  I am not back where I started for good and bad.  The good:  being guided by the TBI that I was already documented to have suffered, the diagnosis was immediate, and so I have begun treatment quickly.   The bad:  all my existing problems are much, much worse, and I have new problems.  Reading and writing are both incredibly difficult and time-consuming for me now, so each blog post will take a great deal of effort and time.

Still, I will learn to cope and accommodate my new reality, but I don't know where I will end up except that I will continue traveling my path.  And part of my path is to share what I am experiencing with whoever cares to read about it here.  Stay tuned....